My teacher cusses, flips us birds, and shows nudity

I've taught all grades in high school. All English classes. While teaching 9th grade Gifted English and having the time of my life, I kinda got the wind knocked out of me when I was asked by an assistant principal to please see him at the end of my class during my planning period.

This is never a good sign. You think things are going great and then, WHAM! The rug gets pulled out from under you.

I was scared.

When I walked into his office, there sat another assistant principal. I was teaching in the 9th grade building, once known as the 9th grade Academy- one time thought of as a purist 9th grade building with just Freshman, until overcrowding at the main campus caused Sophomores, Juniors, and some Seniors to take classes in this stand-alone building. That blew that theory of trying to keep the youngsters away from the savvy upper classmen. These assistant principals that I was meeting with were 2/5ths of the total number of APs to run our large 1,600 student school.

Each assistant had an assignment. The 9th grade's was Athletic Director as well as AP. The other assistant in his office was in charge of curriculum. Uh, oh.

I sat down in his office to try to think ahead...what had I done wrong? Well, here's what they had to say.

"Mrs. Webster...a mother called to inform us about her concern over her son. She was washing his clothes and came upon a note in his pants' pocket. The note was from one student to another and she came across it and handed it over to us to get to the bottom of its content."

"Well, sure. What did it say?"

"Well, let me read the note to you and you just respond to it, OK?"

"OK," I squeaked as I started to sweat.

The note read: "Hey, dude. What's up? I am in English class right now. What are you doing? Mrs. Webster is so cool. She cusses, she flips us birds, and she shows us nudity."

Busted! All true.

But I have a good excuse.

And I began to explain..."Well, in 9th grade, Shakepeare's 'Romeo and Juliet' is read and in Act I, scene 1, there are comments by those loyal to both the Montague (Romeo's family) and Capulet (Juliet's family) families in the streets of Verona regarding how they feel about each other, as there has been a long-standing feud between the 2 families. Plainly, they don't like each other."

The Curriculum AP was nodding her head. She knows what I am talking about.

I continued, "And in that scene, they poke at/comment to each other by asking, 'Do you bite your thumb, sir?' 'Yes, I bite my thumb, sir, but not at you, sir.' My students do not know what 'bite your thumb' means. So, instead of just telling them it's like shooting a bird, I SORTA demonstrate - but not finish the job - flip them one. No finger movement. Only hand movement."

"OK. That's in literature. It's been approved by the county and state department of education."

I asked, "And the cussing?"

"Yes. Let's address that."

"Well, NIGHT, by Elie Wiesel has many quotes using expletives. When I'd read aloud and come to that part, I'd be reading an obscenity." (I didn't offer that I'd read those words with a flair....my one chance to cuss in front of the students!)

"Is that part of the 9th grade curriculum?" one Assistant Principal asked the other.

"Yes, it is."

Two down, one to go.

"So, what's left? Nudity?"

"Yes. What were you watching?" he asked.

"Well, the Franco Zeffirelli movie version of "Romeo and Juliet" (which is a 1968 film that I believe I even saw when I was in the 9th grade in 1968) is not rated. It's been approved by the county, also."

The curriculum principal nodded.

"And there is this teeny, tiny, little scene where Juliet and Romeo consumate their marriage that shows Romeo's rompus pompos. No more than 6 seconds, I believe, of cutie Romeo's tush. (I didn't say all that. I just thought it.)"

"Well, Mrs. Webster, let's skip over that naked behinny scene," he said.

"Will do."

So, I thought, that still gives me leeway to cuss and flip birds in class.

Thank goodness for small favors. I'd rather do that anyway.